Six ways to help your AuDHD child boost their self-advocacy skills

Also, check out several free resources for self-advocacy from the Organization for Autism Research (OAR)

June 25, 2025

This post originally appeared on the Autism & ADHD Connection blog

As a parent or caregiver, one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to teach them to be a self-advocate. That is especially important for our autistic/ADHD (or AuDHD) children. They have a special set of needs and preferences, and they need to be able to speak for themselves. So how can you encourage self-advocacy in your AuDHD child?

Our son J has come a long way in self-advocating over the years. One good example is his peanut allergy. When he was in preschool, he ate a cookie that must have had trace peanuts in it. We had to go through the whole process of giving him an Epi-Pen and then taking him to the emergency room at the hospital. That experience really had an impact on him. He is incredibly careful with food, especially when he is at a friend’s house or school, and I am not with him. J always asks to either see the label to look at himself to check to see if there are any peanut warnings or asks the adult to review it. If he is not sure whether it has peanuts or not, he will not eat it.

What is self-advocacy?

According to Dictionary.com, self-advocacy is defined as “the act or condition of representing oneself, either generally in society or in formal proceedings, such as a court.” In other words, a person can speak for themselves and handle their affairs instead of having someone else do it for them.

As our children grow into teenagers and then into young adults, being able to self-advocate is so important. Yet, it doesn’t happen overnight. As parents and caregivers, it is important that we encourage self-advocacy and teach them the skills they need. Part of it is developing independence overall, but another part is learning specific skills needed for advocating for themselves. Those skills include speaking up, knowing their rights, negotiating and problem solving.

What about disclosure of autism?

Disclosure is a tricky thing, especially as the person with autism ages and seeks jobs – whether it is a part-time job as a teenager or full-time employment as an adult. Autism is “invisible”, which means in most cases you cannot look at someone and know whether they are autistic. Because autism is a spectrum, each person presents differently to others. For some, you would not really know they are autistic unless they disclose it to you. For others, it is more apparent.

Disclosure and self-advocacy are related in many cases. To be able to ask for accommodations in a workplace, the person has to disclose a certain amount of information. For example, if lighting in the person’s work area is very bothersome, the autistic person may need to ask their employer for adjustments. So, do they disclose they have autism? Maybe or maybe not. At minimum, they need to disclose they have sensitivity to lights. That may be all that is necessary.

Another example is a college student who will need to work with the university’s disability office to apply and obtain accommodations for college classes. The student will need these skills to be able to effectively work with the office and instructors to obtain the accommodations needed to be successful in obtaining their degree.

Even with the American Disabilities Act (ADA) in the United States, disclosure is complex because it could impact the person’s career. While more companies are talking about belonging and inclusion, the reality is still too many may limit how they promote and compensate individuals with autism and other intellectual disabilities. With the elimination of diversity, equity and inclusion programs in government offices and many businesses, some workplaces may not be as mindful about accommodations and acceptance of autistic employees.

Obtaining an employment or life coach who specializes in helping your teenager prepare for employment and secondary education may be a good step to help your teen understand how to self-advocate and when to self-disclose. That is a step we took with our son J, so that he obtained the help he needed to be ready for working a part-time job while he was still in high school and being prepared for college and full-time employment. One place to start is with your state’s Vocational Rehabilitation agency. You may also have other organizations locally that work with Vocational Rehabilitation or offer employment/life coaching to autistic individuals.

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Why is self-advocacy so important?

Being able to speak up for yourself, negotiate and manage your own affairs is an important part of independent living as an adult. For many on the autism spectrum, they will be able to do this as an adult. For some, they will need more help from others. Either way, it’s important that people have a say in their own lives. At any age, it is essential that AuDHD children, teens and adults can communicate effectively what they need and want through self-advocacy.

Ways to teach self-advocacy

While schools should be supporting our AuDHD children to learn self-advocacy skills through the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), we still need to take ownership to teach our kids these necessary skills. But how do you teach self-advocacy? Here are six ways.

1. Teach communications skills

Good communications skills are at the heart of self-advocacy. Encourage your child to speak up for what they need and want. If your child has difficulty communicating, enlist the help of a speech or behavior therapist. It is one of the best investments you can make in your child.

2. Help your child be comfortable making decisions

Offering choices and letting your child decide which one to choose is a great way to help them get comfortable making decisions. When our children are young, they can be easy decisions like offering two choices for lunch and letting them pick one. Or letting them choose which clothes they will wear to school the next day. As they get older, their choices become more complex. Helping them learn how to make decisions about easier things when they are young will give them confidence to make decisions when they are older.

My dad used to tell my brother and me that as adults our decisions and our actions will be our own. We will reap rewards for good choices and pay the consequences of bad ones. It’s important to teach our kids about decision making and help them understand there are rewards and consequences as a result of our decisions. This is certainly a life lesson that will serve them well into adulthood.

3. Encourage them to speak up about their needs and preferences

A big part of self-advocacy is to encourage your AuDHD child to speak up about their needs and preferences. They need to represent those on their own and learn how to ask for what they need. They also have to get comfortable asking for them in different settings with other authority figures.

What are some ways you can encourage this? First, tell them to let you know as the parent and caregiver of what they need or want. Second, let them know they should speak up at school to their teacher(s) and/or speech therapist for help. Third, while you are out and about, have your child ask questions if you need help finding something. For instance, if you are looking for a certain type of food that you cannot find at the grocery store, have your child ask the store employee for help. Another example would be to have your child ask their doctor questions at the next appointment. Encouraging them to practice while you are there will give them confidence and motivation to speak up when you are not there.

4. Let your child struggle to solve the problem

I’ll admit that this is a hard one for me. I’m a problem solver, and it’s challenging for me not to jump in and help find a solution when someone discusses a difficulty they are having. Yet, I am getting better at staying back and letting my kids work out problems for themselves. I’m always there to provide some coaching or help them if it’s a really difficult problem, but I am trying more to let them struggle and work it out on their own. I know it’s an important skill for them to learn.

5. Teach them to negotiate

Let’s face it – most days we find ourselves negotiating for what we need or want in some way. It may be as simple as what time we will eat dinner as a family to suit everyone’s needs. More difficult negotiations may be a big purchase like a car. Teenagers get to be particularly good at negotiating – for additional video game time, bedtime exceptions, the purchase of a new gadget or another item, or a host of other things. While we sometimes may not like the process of negotiating with our teenagers, remember that they are learning a valuable skill 😊

6. Help your child better understand others’ perspectives

While teaching your child to speak up for themselves is good, it is also necessary to help them understand that other people may have a different perspective or opinion about the topic or request. Helping your child learn to evaluate those perspectives and to take them into consideration of the situation is definitely a life skill they need. Want to learn how to teach perspective-talking? Check out this blog post.

How have you taught your AuDHD child self-advocacy? What has worked for your child? Leave a comment to share and encourage other parents and caregivers as we move forward in our journey!

Resource Available

Want more resources about how to teach self-advocacy to your AuDHD child? The Organization for Autism Research (OAR) has several free downloads available for parents of autistic children on their web page: https://researchautism.org/self-advocates/self-advocate-resources/

Take care of yourself this week.

Tamara McGuire

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